Step Up! International

Anxiety and nerves seem to have kicked in for both parents and their children alike as schools (colleges and universities) begin to open their

doors for the start of another academic year. Research shows that reasons for children and young people’s anxieties and stress about returning to school include anxiety about:

• Homework
• Coping with school work and their general performance
• Starting a new school
• Friendships and fitting in
• Bullying
• Asking for help and how to ask for help
• Having new teachers

Photo: ALAMY – www.telegraph.co.uk

Parents too have their own anxieties about their son or daughter returning to or starting a new school. Childline’s research and recent experiences has shown an increase in counselling children over the last year with serious concerns about going back to school or starting a new school.

TOP TIPS For Children & Young People going Back To School: 

• See this as another milestone that you are capable of, even if it is with help from someone else. Remember that the fear of something is usually much worse than the thing itself! Step up! to your fear and stare it in it’s face
• ŸIf you are moving to a new school, see it as an opportunity to make new friends and have new experiences rather than something bad or negative
• ŸAsk for an opportunity to view the new school, if it is not too late, or go to visit it again if you have already viewed it. Take a tour around the area and familiarize yourself with its surroundings. This may help you to feel more comfortable on the first day.
• Be as prepared and as organised as you can for your first day back at school, or starting your new school. Or ask for help from parents or school mates
• ŸHave a plan to complete school work on time and follow through with it.  Sticking to your plan will help you to have more time for socializing and enjoying fun stuff
• ŸGet enough sleep to recharge your batteries so that you have enough energy during the school day.

TOP TIPS For Parents

• Share your concerns about your son/daughter returning to school with someone else so that you are not carrying it alone
• Whatever the situation with your child’s school (college, university), be strong and stay strong for them as well as for yourself. Manage your own emotions so that your son or daughter is not placed in a position of having to help you to manage your emotions
• See my article on School Refusal
• Check you with your son or daughter what their thoughts are about going back to school and most importantly listen. This might seem like stating the obvious, however, the number one tension between young people and their parents is that they feel their parents do not listen to them. Listen also to their feelings and to what they are not saying and reflect that back to them.
• Stay calm in the sight of your child’s anxiety and panic about returning to school or starting a new school. Your calmness and composure will help them to compose themselves to some extent.
• Depending on your child’s age, help them tot be as organised as possible for their first day, and on an on-going basis. Being organised and prepared on the first day can help to take a lot of pressure off them and gives them one less thing to worry about.
• Become aware of warning signs or stress leading up to the return to school.
• Sometimes stress and anxiety can manifest itself into physical symptoms. For instance, stomach aches, headaches, vomiting, sudden outbursts of aggression, self harm or crying. Check out with your son/daughter what else is going on for them at the time of having these symptoms. If it is a case of self harm, do get self harm help from your doctor where necessary.
• Take responsibility for ensuring your children get to bed at a reasonable time dependent on their age, to give them a better chance of coping with the school day. One of my nieces used to insist that her 3 year old son would not and could not sleep before 11.00pm. The nursery school constantly reported that he was tired, hyperactive and aggressive. He was clearly deprived of sleep. After working with her and guiding her for just one evening on how to get him to bed at a reasonable time for his age, she feedback a week later to say that he had been going to bed at 7.30pm for the whole week and had slept through the night. The nursery school feedback to her the same week about the difference in his behaviour and energy levels.

“I didn’t feel anything at the time. I couldn’t. I was immersed in the normality of Afghanistan…But it’s when you come home and you’re re-immersed in the different normality of home, the cosiness of home life, that you can remember things differently. And I just remember playing my part in killing an extremely terrified, dying man.”

These are the words of Jake Wood, a 40 year old investment bank analyst who served as a reservist in Afghanistan from April to October 2007. Wood relays the feelings of alienation when a soldier returns to their regular life and must adjust to the starkly contrasting environment. After suffering from “survivors guilt” as well as “killers guilt” Wood underwent years of intensive treatment which he believes prevented possible suicide. This is one of the many cases of mental health amongst war veterans and raises questions of what we can do to help those who self harm in the army.

Recently a government decision to double the number of reservists in the army from approximately 15,000 to 30,000 soldiers threatened to create a wave of mental health problems. Reservists of the Territorial Army hold careers outside of the military and do not work full time, as such they lack the wider mental health support available for full time soldiers. This results in reservists being more vulnerable to mental health issues, most notably Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. This can further lead to self harm or suicide as reinforced by the study carried out by King’s Centre for Military Health Research and Academic Centre for Defence Mental Health. In 2012 after carrying out phone interviews with 821 participants 5.6% reported self harm and attempted suicide during their lifetime, more notably following PTSD. These worrying statistics highlight the need for self harm awareness within the military.

Other methods of self harm include alcohol abuse and severe substance addiction,  interestingly rising from negative experiences prior to joining the army. These can include a history of abuse, homelessness or unemployment or many other such experiences. Veterans have also admitted to failing to reach out for help due to the social stigma attached to self harm in the army. Army veterans, particularly men, are expected to adhere to the macho image associated with the army. As a result veterans refuse to speak to a GP or specialist out of fear or embarrassment within the establishment. This brings up the common problem for providing help for self harm where individuals refuse to come forward and admit their problems.

It would seem however that more awareness and self harm help is being distributed more recently. A new smartphone app recently released aimed to provide information and help on 11 mental health issues including depression, anxiety and Post Traumatic Stress. The app endorsed by the Ministry of Defense aims to dispel myths about mental health and self harm by providing information on where to get help. As such information and support for mental health is becoming readily available online with links to prominent organisations such as Young Minds and Samaritans. Scars received on the battlefield can be mental as well as physical and by increasing awareness of mental health issues amongst the army we can provide the proper treatment to help ease individuals get their life back.