Posts Tagged ‘depression’

Did You Know It Was An Inside Job?

Wednesday, March 13th, 2013

People come into your life for a reason and being in a relationship provides us with undoubtedly the hardest challenges we face as adults as we are seldom taught to truly love ourselves as children, yet we are expected to know how to love other people as adults in very deep, meaningful, life changing situations such as that posed by marriages and other long term relationships. Relationships teach us, help us to learn life’s lessons and certainly help us to grow as more tolerant human beings if we choose to take up that opportunity. In order to truly love someone else, we must first learn and re-learn to love ourselves. It is impossible to love anyone else more than we love ourselves. The extent of the love we give out is a direct reflection of the love we have for ourselves.

“Be the change you want to see” -Mahatma Ghandi

MY ‘OTHER HALF’

We get fooled into thinking that the other person only needs to be ‘half ok’ and that we will make up the other half of the relationship, hence the all too common phrase ‘’my other half’’. A healthy relationship needs both parties to be whole, complete individuals in and of themselves, bringing their own happiness, uniqueness, love and abilities into the relationship.

My Partner Is Not Meeting My Needs

A lot of times if we are feeling unfulfilled in our relationship, we tend to aim the
focus of our discontent at our partners without taking sufficient time to focus on
what we might be doing to exacerbate the situation. I know it is easily done and
I have fallen prey to this situation myself in my previous marriage. One of the
things I was guilty of was focusing on what my ex-husband was or was not doing
within the relationship. When I had LEARNT to shift the focus from him to myself,
it was only then that I was able to focus on what I was doing and or not doing
in the relationship. I had to LEARN to take control of my own happiness and
decided that it would not depend on whether my ex-husband or anyone else was
making me happy.

WHAT ARE YOUR NEEDS?

Sometimes we think we know what our needs are, however, when it comes to naming them, we get stuck. If you were to ask your partner today to meet your needs better, what would you say? Do you know what your REAL needs are? Which needs are not being met?
When was the last time you did something spontaneous or special for your partner without expecting something in return? How are you meeting your partner’s needs? Do you know what your partner’s needs are? If you don’t know, then ASK them. Find out what they need in order to feel loved and connected. Sometimes just BEING THERE, being PRESENT is enough. If your partner is not meeting your needs, chances are you may not be meeting theirs either.

INSIDE JOB

You’ve got to give to others first before you can get what you want. If you want a better relationship, go to work on YOU. The problem is not necessarily out there and is usually an ‘inside job’. That is, rather than looking externally and pointing the finger at your partner, look within first. Rather than trying to ‘fix’ them, ‘fix’ you instead. Identify what you want in an ideal relationship and Start to act the way you would like your ideal relationship to be.
Identify where the ‘problem’ really lies: is it you, your partner or the relationship itself. Be honest with yourself and your partner. When you have identified the ‘problem’ then go to work on finding solutions and changing it.

“Be the change you want to see” -Mahatma Ghandi

True, Authentic Self

So, if you want your relationship to be better and grow, GO TO WORK ON YOU TODAY. As you love you more and more, and find your true, authentic self, you will be in a better position to give and share more of your love with your partner.

Loving Inspirations From Children

If you are still feeling unsure about what love is, here’s some inspirations from some children. Enjoy!

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, “What does love mean?”

The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

“When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.” Rebecca- age 8

”When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.” Billy – age 4

“Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.” Karl – age 5

“If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,” Nikka – age 6 (we need a few million more Nikka’s on this planet)

”Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.” Noelle – age 7

“Love is when Mummy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn’t think it’s gross.” Mark – age 6

”I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.” Lauren – age 4

“When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.” (What an imagination) Karen – age 7

How Common Is Self Harm?

Tuesday, September 25th, 2012

Shockingly, 2% to 6% of the general public had engaged in self-harm at least once in their lifetime. Where the peak of self harm actions are among students, ages 16 – 22, see falls in 13% to 35%. For most, the problem will resolve before adulthood but sadly, 10% of the remaining still continues to self harm throughout their adult lives.

With such a high percentage of people doing self harm, it is important that these people receive self harm help from their surroundings. Those around people who self harm should know how to spot self harm signs and actions to be able to give them the help that they need through your own self harm awareness.

Bare in mind that, if you know someone doing self-harm, you should not be horrified and label them “crazy” or “freak” for it brings about more insecurities for them  and it doesn’t help at all; Instead approach them with understanding and acceptance.

It is important to know what drives these individuals to self harm in order to help them resolve their problems. Helping someone who self harms is a noble act; you are fighting their demons with them. People who self harm clearly have reasons as to why they are so unhappy and insecure. These reasons can drive them into injuring themselves, or even to suicide in some extreme cases.

A research stated that the most common cause of reason for self-harm is childhood trauma. It may relate to past-abuse, flashbacks, negative feelings about themselves or any other traumatic events that had occurred earlier. People who suffer in traumatic events may have unstable mood swings and emotions, recurring nightmares and a constant sense of fear. They may also feel numb, disconnected and have problem trusting other people. These are common traits of a trauma survivor, but with care and support it is possible to be able to open up and trust again.

If you notice someone with suspicious injuries or someone confide in you that they are cutting themselves, don’t panic and deal with your feelings first. You may feel shocked, disgusted or even angry, but understand that this is normal and deal with it before you try to help them. These things can help with dealing with self harm so once you’ve done managing your feelings, you help them by acknowledging and understanding their problem, what causes them this pain and urge to self harm; put yourself in their shoes. Then you offer your support without any judgment and unwanted criticism. Know that a person who self harms already feel ashamed and lost therefore you judging them is not in any way helpful. Give them your support by letting them know that you are available.

 

Encourage communication and listen.

Here’s a story of a mother and daughter about self-harm and how they finally got the strength to get help.

Read more at Self-Injury: One Family’s Story

7 Self Harm Help Strategies

Wednesday, February 15th, 2012

 Do you often wonder why some people  self harm or self mutilate or self injury?

 

Self harm comes under a lot of names – self mutilation, cutting, self injury, deliberate self harm – but all refer to one thing, hurting oneself to ease the burden of deep distressing emotional symptoms. Furthermore, it can also come in many various forms such as cutting (being the most widespread form), burning, hitting, picking skins, scratching, and pulling the hairs out.

Self injury is detrimental to young people’s well being.  Consequently,  support  for self harm help has been created and developed and resource materials for teachers are also given to increase self harm awareness  and self harm help as well as to find ways to stop self harming pupils, where possible.

Self injury or self harm is generally not suicidal but a coping mechanism and a way of regulating deep emotional pain.

7  Top Self Harm Help Strategies

Here are the Top 7 ways to stop self harming or minimize it:

  •  Cognitive behavioral therapy or CBT

Self harming is only a symptom of deep emotional distress. CBT can be used to help individuals recognize and learn to address their  feelings in rather healthier ways.

  • Psychotherapy

It can be used either together with medications treating mental illnesses or simply alone. Otherwise known as “therapy”, psychotherapy actually entails various treatment techniques during which a person talks to professionals for mental health and care who will help the individual identify the problems and work through different ways to give self harm support.

 

  • Post traumatic stress therapy

The objective of this treatment is to decrease physical and emotional symptoms which lead to self harm.

 

  • Group therapy

Self harm training courses offers self harm awareness for anyone. Group therapy, on the other hand, is especially aimed at those who self harm, thereby talking within a group with people who  experience the same problems which can be very helpful in reducing shame associated with self injury, as well as introduce healthy ways of expressing emotions.

  • Family therapy

Family Therapy addresses family history, prevailing conditions and  other related behaviour which can help both the young person who self harms and the family members to learn better communication methods and be more open and directly expressive to one another.

  • Hypnosis and relaxation techniques

 

There are a range of relaxation techniques and approaches which will help young people and others who self harm to release some fo the stress, tension and pressure that they are experiencing, which in turn is likely to helpt o reduce self harming.

  • Medications

Self harm can be a remedy for coping with depression, medications such as antidepressants and anti-anxiety can be used to minimize the early impulsive responses to stress. Best advice is always to speak to your physician and seek their advice and/or referral to any of the above options.